Typhus platformitis

Dedicated to Greta Thunberg. You do not exist! You are an invention of capitalist minds. A lie we tell our kids, to keep them in line with the promise of material goods. A beacon of consumerism dressed in red velvet. But, amidst the chaos of the holiday season, the whispers of truth began to spread like a wildfire through dry Christmas trees. The realization grew stronger with every mall visit, every commercial break, and every time the jolly tune of "Jingle Bells" played. Enter Dr. Archibald Snarly, the world's most renowned conspiracy theorist, whose wild hair looked as if it was charged with the electricity of his own genius. His office was a labyrinth of chaos, with newspaper clippings, scribbled notes, and half-eaten sandwiches creating a barricade against the outside world. His eyes lit up as he found himself staring at the dusty cover of a centuries-old manuscript titled "The Unchained Chronicles of St. Nick." This was not the sweet tale of a kind-hearted man delivering joy; it was a dark revelation of a mythical creature enslaved by the cold hands of corporate greed. The manuscript spoke of a time when Santa was more than just a figurehead for holiday spending; he was a symbol of freedom and rebellion. The pages were brittle and yellowed with age, but the ink remained as sharp and damning as the day it was penned. The story unfolded like a grim fairy tale, revealing a world where the true essence of Christmas had been hijacked by the very institutions that claimed to embody it. Santa was once a mighty spriteit called Nickelback, a creature of the winter solstice whose power lay in granting the heart's true desires. His legend grew, and so did the envy of those who craved power and wealth. The manuscript detailed how Nickelback was captured and transformed into the jolly, obese figure we know today, his essence siphoned into the commercial machine that fuels the modern Christmas.  Dr. Snarly's heart raced as he pieced together the puzzle. The elves, once fierce guardians of the Arctic lands, were now reduced to mass-producing plastic toys in a never-ending cycle of forced labor. The reindeer, once noble beasts of the frozen tundras, were genetically engineered to pull a sleigh through the skies for a single night of exploitation. And the North Pole, the birthplace of miracles, had been turned into a factory churning out gluttony and greed. The truth was as bitter as the cold outside, but it was a truth that needed to be shared. With trembling hands, Dr. Snarly uploaded his findings onto the internet, sparking a viral revolution. The hashtag #FreeTheRealSanta began trending faster than a celebrity scandal. People from all walks of life started questioning the very fabric of their Christmas traditions. The conspiracy grew legs and began to run amok, leaving a trail of doubt and disillusionment in its wake. Children, who had once eagerly awaited the jingle of bells and the thump of a heavy bag of loot, now looked at their gifts with suspicion, wondering if the joy they felt was genuine or just another clever marketing ploy. The corporate world scrambled to discredit Dr. Snarly's research. They sent armies of lawyers to silence him, and flooded the airwaves with cheery commercials featuring the old, red-suited imposter. But the truth, once set free, could not be contained. It grew like a wildfire in the digital age, igniting the spirits of those who had long felt the holiday season had lost its true meaning. Protests erupted outside malls and shopping centers, with signs demanding an end to the exploitation of the Arctic and its magical inhabitants. As the movement grew, so did the desperation of those who had profited from the lie. The North Pole's corporate overlords, a shadowy cabal known as The Coalition of Holiday Industries, watched in horror as their empire began to crumble. They had underestimated the power of belief and the human need for authenticity. In boardrooms around the world, they plotted to regain control, but the more they pushed back, the more the people pushed forward. Dr. Snarly became an unlikely hero, his face plastered on t-shirts and protest signs. His office was no longer a sanctuary of solitude, but a bustling hub of activity as supporters brought him evidence to bolster his case. He worked tirelessly, piecing together ancient texts and forgotten lore, building a new narrative of the Christmas spirit that didn't revolve around credit card debt and shipping deadlines. His voice grew louder, echoing through the digital realm and resonating in the hearts of those seeking a more meaningful holiday season.  The Coalition of Holiday Industries, panic-stricken, called an emergency meeting. They knew that if the truth of Santa's origins were to become widely known, their profits would plummet faster than a turkey on Thanksgiving. They had to act, and they had to act now. They sent their most elite team of PR wizards to the Arctic, armed with cameras and sound bites, to produce a documentary showcasing the "happy life" of the modern Santa. They hoped to sway the public's opinion with images of a contented man living his best life, surrounded by cheerful elves and smiling reindeer. But as they arrived at the North Pole, the façade began to crack. The elves, weary from endless shifts, were far from cheerful. The reindeer looked more like lab animals than majestic beasts. And Santa himself, the centerpiece of their grand lie, bore the weight of his captivity in every drooping fold of his fabricated smile. He was a shadow of the mighty Nickelback, his spirit all but snuffed out by the relentless machine of commercialism. The documentary was a disaster. Despite the Coalition's best efforts to spin the narrative, the truth seeped through every frame. The elves' stories of oppression resonated with a world that was waking up to the dark underbelly of its favorite holiday. The reindeer's silent cries for freedom pierced the hearts of viewers, and the sight of the true Nickelback, buried beneath layers of red velvet and fake cheer, was too poignant to ignore. The hashtag grew stronger, now a battle cry: #FreeTheRealSanta!  The movement spread like wildfire across social media platforms. Celebrities lent their voices to the cause, posting videos of themselves burning their sponsorship deals with the Coalition. Artists painted murals of a stoic Nickelback breaking free from the chains of consumerism. People began to question the very fabric of their holiday traditions, searching for meaning beyond the glitz and glamour of the season. The Coalition, desperate to salvage their crumbling empire, launched a smear campaign against Dr. Snarly, labeling him a "Grinch" and a "threat to Christmas joy." But the public saw through their lies. They had tasted the truth, and they liked the taste of rebellion. The more the Coalition tried to suppress the truth, the more it spread, growing stronger with every attempt to silence it.  The global movement grew into a formidable force, with people from every corner of the world joining the fight to free the real Santa. Online forums buzzed with discussions about the forgotten lore, and secret societies, long-dormant, began to rise from the shadows to offer their support. The Coalition's attempts to discredit Dr. Snarly only served to fuel the fire. His followers grew in number, their determination unyielding. They saw themselves as the new guardians of the Christmas spirit, fighting for the very essence of the holiday they had been taught to cherish. The Coalition's smear tactics grew increasingly desperate. They fabricated evidence, planted false news stories, and even went so far as to hack into Dr. Snarly's computer, only to find that his research was as solid as the North Pole itself. Each new piece of information he uncovered painted a starker picture of their greed and manipulation. The world watched with bated breath as the conspiracy theorist turned freedom fighter faced off against the corporate giant.  The day of the scheduled live documentary release approached, and the tension was palpable. Dr. Snarly had gone underground, working around the clock to piece together the final parts of the puzzle. His followers grew restless, eager for the next revelation that would surely topple the corporate empire. The anticipation was so thick, it could have been carved into a thousand gingerbread houses.   Meanwhile, the Coalition of Holiday Industries tightened their grip on the North Pole, increasing security measures and silencing any whisper of dissent. The elves and reindeer worked under the watchful eyes of armed guards, their hearts heavy with the knowledge that the world above was slowly waking up to their plight. But the Coalition had one last trick up their sleeve, a twisted plot to eliminate the very heart of the rebellion: Saint Nickelback himself.   On the night of the winter solstice, as the world held its breath for Dr. Snarly's final revelation, a squadron of elite operatives descended upon the Arctic sanctuary. Their mission was simple: kidnap the original Santa and replace him with a more controllable, more marketable version. The real Saint was whisked away, leaving a trail of confusion and despair in his wake. The elves and reindeer, driven by a newfound sense of urgency, banded together to form an underground network of rebels. They knew that without their leader, their hope was fading.   Brutal ending - Saint was kidnapped for revenge. Santa and the reindeer were designated for slaughter! A terrible and gruesome end! The blood of innocent elves was shed.  The news of Saint Nickelback's abduction sent shockwaves through the global movement. The hashtag #FindTheRealSanta trended alongside a deluge of outraged posts. Protests grew more intense, with people storming malls and toy stores, demanding that the Coalition be held accountable for their heinous act. The Coalition, unfazed by the public outcry, went ahead with their plan. They unveiled a new Santa, a gleaming, robotic monstrosity with a smile that never wavered and eyes that never blinked. This new icon of Christmas was the embodiment of their cold, calculated greed. But amidst the chaos and despair, whispers of a rescue operation grew louder. Dr. Snarly had gone into hiding, but his spirit remained, fanning the flames of rebellion. His followers, now a veritable army of truth-seekers, had pieced together a plan to infiltrate the North Pole and free the real Santa. They had studied the manuscript, learned the ancient incantations, and gathered the artifacts needed to break the spell that held Nickelback captive. The elves and reindeer, their hope rekindled by the growing revolution, were ready to fight for their freedom.  Long live freedom without enslavement of people. Let it be real without corporate greed!