Johann Lux

“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the most wonderful things that will ever happen to us” ~ Nicole Reed, Ruining You

I have always treated both good and bad anniversaries with solemnness. Well this one official sucks! I had been in the dumps as I became a widower a year ago yesterday. I took this week off work and have been sleeping pretty random since Saturday. Today I wake up at 2 AM, did a bunch of meal prep for the next week and then head to the living room and turn on the tv. I got bombarded with a blast of emotion due to a favorite thing we shared together. It made me cry, smile, laugh and evoked a bunch of thoughts and emotions.

"Life is amazing. Love it when out of nowhere a perfect moment happens which makes you appreciate the journey" ~ Me

I have quite a few amazing friends who have provided amazing support this last year and continue to do so. I don't know where my road leads but look forward to the journey.

“There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.”
—Mahatma Gandhi

I slept 10 hours on my first day of my supposed five day vacation. The next two days I slept like three hours each. Wow.. I can't imagine how to deal with all what I feel. I just broke down crying. I did take an amazing backcountry drive and a short barefoot walk yesterday. The reason for this feeling is my biggest hurt in my life. My mom died on May 10th 1993 from cancer. I was her primary caretaker for the last 18 months of her life.. No shit it has been 30 years and still can't even put words to how deeply this did and still affects me.

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I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.